we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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