Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
