sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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