I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
