tell your sister to shave her snatch
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
