I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I believe in your delicious
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
