A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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