Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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