I can't breathe out the right side of my face
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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