and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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