i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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