the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
