Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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