I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
