I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize