someone threw a dead crab at me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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