my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
