do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
