He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
