Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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