a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
