I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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