Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
