Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
