The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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