my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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