I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
