i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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