my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
