she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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