plz talk dirty to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
