real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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