I can text with my tongue
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
