The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you would pick up someone in the library
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
