just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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