Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
