Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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