did you get engaged???
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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