In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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