hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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