would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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