I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
