im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
