nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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