Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
