She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
