you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize