Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize