I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
