I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
