Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
