I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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