yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My balls are so social today.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have aggressive nipples.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
