come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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