I CAN MOONWALK!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
