I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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