i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
