You smell like stripper and shame
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
