i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
