on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize