I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
