talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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