so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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