please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
