a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
