It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
