Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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