I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
