so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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