did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
operation harelip BJ is a go
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
