And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
