Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who died my cat blue again?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
