I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize