She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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