Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
