everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I came so hard my ears popped.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
