Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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