I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
